Oh Romeo!
SCRIPT - ROMEO AND JULIET (alternative ending)
Blondie Elin and Blondie Martina are on the cinema watching Romeo and Juliet. We come in as the movie is nearing its end, where Romeo is approaching the “dead” Juliet in her crypt.
THE ORIGINAL ENDINGJuliet is lying on the table dead. Romeo sees her and gets down on his knees beside her, devastated.
Romeo – Oh no, my Juliet
Romeo drinks the poison
Juliet - Romeo. What's here? Poison? Drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after. I will kiss thy lips. Happily some poison yet doth hang on them.Romeo - Thus..... with a kiss...... I die.
Juliet cries
Blondie Elin – I don’t like this movie, it’s so depressing!
Blondie Martina - Mhm!
Blondie Elin – Shakespeare is overrated. I bet I could find a better ending where no one dies.
What if… Romeo was more like Achilles, and had his qualities?
Blondie Elin and Blondie Martina thoughtfully try to imagine how that scene would look like.
ALTERNATIVE ENDING 1 (Achilles)
Romeo enters the room as Achilles, very masculine and proud, and sees Juliet lying on the table dead.
Romeo – Oh no! This can not be true. She is dead!
His slowly reaches for the poison left in the little bottle Juliet holds and drinks the poison. Short after he falls down beside Juliet. Juliet wakes up and sees Romeo fully unconscious.
Juliet – No! My Romeo! We who where meant to be. Now, what have I to life for?
She takes the gun lying beside Romeo and points it to her head, ready to shoot when Romeo wakes up with a smile.
Romeo – Ha! Gotcha!
Juliet – Oh my!
Juliet gets very scared by this sudden appearance and by mistake shoots Romeo in his heal, the only place where he is mortal.
Juliet – You are alive!
Romeo – Oh fuck! You shot me in my heel. Damn it!
Juliet – Oh my, I am so sorry. I’m so clumsy. Is it deep, did it hurt?
Romeo stares at her.
Romeo – What (the hell) do you think? Such a waste!
Romeo falls down dead.
Juliet – Once again a guy has left me because of my clumsiness. Good bye cruel world.
Juliet takes up Romeos gun and shoots herself.
Blondie Martina – No, that didn’t work out.
Blondie Elin – No, haha, but at least it was funny unlike the original tragedy.
Blondie Martina – But the real problem is his good looking. I mean why do you want someone as handsome as Romeo dying? It is such a waste of good talent and awesomeness.
Blondie Elin – Yeah, I know what you mean. Okay… but what is something distracted him from drinking the poison?
SECOND SCENE (THE BRIT!)
Romeo sits next to Juliet, who is lying dead on the table, and is just about to drink the poison when he sees a TV.
Romeo (British hooligan accent)– Oh look, a football game. It’s the Champions league final. Come on you Reds!
Juliet wakes up.
Juliet – Oh my Romeo, he is here. Now we can live happily ever after. Go through life together, together trough fire and flames. I am complete and my life has reached an anticipated level of perfection.
Romeo, here I am. Now our common life can begin.
Romeo – Ssscch, quiet. It’s the Champions league final, talk to you later.
Juliet – But Romeo?
Romeo – what did I just say? It’s football. Go get me a beer instead.
Juliet looks devastated
Romeo – Piss it.
Juliet – Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou my husband?
Romeo – Wherefore art thou still here?
Juliet moves away, thinking out loud.
Juliet – Is this really the married life? I can not take this any more.
Juliet shoots Romeo and then herself.
Blondie Elin – What about that ending?
Blondie Martina – But are you stupid or something? They still died!
Blondie Elin – Ah, right…well come up with something better yourself then!
Blondie Martina – It could be as simple as Juliet waking up a few seconds earlier.
THIRD SCENE
Romeo sits next to Juliet, devastated. He is just about to drink the poison when Juliet wakes up and takes his hand and stops him.
Juliet – Romeo, calm down. I’m not dead, I’m alive and we can live happily ever after.
Romeo looks very surprised.
Romeo – But I can’t live…
Juliet – I know, I know, but now we are together. Everything will be alright.
Romeo – Stop! Wait a minute. I’m not interesting in you.
Juliet – What? But..?
Romeo – I’m gay.
Juliet – What, you’re gay?! That can not be true!
Romeo – Bitch please, haven’t you heard my poems?
Juliet – But? But we, we made love?
Romeo – Yeah, that was a bad attempt to try to change my sexuality. But I thought about Mercutio all the time, sorry. And now I just realized I can’t live without Mercutio.
Romeo drinks the poison in his hand and falls down dead on the table.
Juliet – Damn that Mercutio. Now I will have to murder him in next life so that Romeo won’t have any other option than to be with me.
Juliet takes the gun and shoots herself.
Blondie Elin (sarcastic)– Oh yeah, there is a happy ending…
Blondie Martina – Yeah, you’re right. This is hopeless…
Blondie Elin – You know what, I think I got it. The problem lies in Juliet’s hair. Romeo deserves a prettier girl, like a girl with blond curly hair. I bet that would solve everything!
Blondie Martina touches her own hair
Blondie Martina – Yeah. You’re not so stupid after all. Let’s go watch Pretty Woman instead. There we go curly hair AND that move got a happy ending.
Haha fett bra ju! xD
